


Forever Shuusuke

by Viper_Rock



Series: Forever [2]
Category: Myself; Yourself/マイセルフ；ユアセルフ
Genre: F/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-12
Updated: 2010-04-14
Packaged: 2018-02-23 06:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2537807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viper_Rock/pseuds/Viper_Rock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were glad they were twins, but it made it so much harder to love each other. Shuusuke's PoV.</p><p>Runs concurrent to Forever Shuri.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

We were glad we were twins, Shuri and I. When we started to get closer than any siblings ought to be, we were even more glad. Being twins helped us hide the true nature of our closeness.

It didn't really start until high school. A girl - I can't even remember her name - confessed her love for me. And it hit me that I wanted nothing to do with her. Her or any other girl she knew, most likely.

It almost scared me, how clear my emotions became to me in that moment. I was in love with Shuri. My sister. I loved her, and was _in love_ with her.

Abruptly terrified, I turned the girl down and fled. I must have said something terrible, because she never so much as looked at me again. And for two weeks after that, I did my best to act normal. I pretended the epiphany I'd had wasn't weighing me down, wasn't putting a wedge between me and Shuri larger than anything else had before. I should have known I couldn't hide something like this from Shuri, though.

She cornered me in my room, and demanded I tell her what she'd done wrong. She thought she'd done something that hurt me, or pissed me off. I can't think of anything Shuri could do that would hurt me deep enough to make me push her away from me. I was terrified of her reaction, but however deep my fear was, I couldn't let her think it was her fault. She'd done _nothing_ wrong.

Eyes focused on my hands, clenched into fists on my knees, I said "I love you. I'm _in love_ with you." I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. We were twins. It was terrible. She would never speak to me again. My thoughts spiraled downward, fear and despair pulsing alternately with my heartbeat, images of loneliness and abandonment looping through my mind's eye.

The kiss that landed on my cheek was the last thing I expected. The spiral and loop of negative emotions shattered, as I stared at Shuri in shock. Why hadn't she left? It didn't matter. I was just happy she hadn't.

When the second kiss landed on my lips, the shock broke, and relief flooded through me, bringing tears with it.

All I could say that night, going to sleep, was "Thank you."

We never went further than a few kisses for some time, following my confession. I was so relieved and happy, I practically felt like I could touch the sky.

I didn't come down to earth until Shuri told me about Hoshino's confession to her. I got scared, all of a sudden, of what people would think if we kept turning down everyone who said they loved us, or asked us out on dates. But I wouldn't go out with someone I didn't love, or at least, someone I thought I could love. And the only one I loved, that way, was Shuri.

We had sex that night, after we knew we would never want someone else, for the first time. Nothing can make me regret that. Nothing. What me and Shuri had, and still have, is pure and true. Even our father, who walked in not minutes later, couldn't make me regret it.

But I was still terrified, when he walked in. When he assumed I was comforting her from a nightmare, I could feel Shuri's shaky sigh of relief against the skin of my chest, and was hard pressed to keep from echoing the action. I nodded, instead, and he left, just like that. He wanted nothing to do with nightmares.

Never again were we as careless as we had been that first time. In spite of our father and step mother, we were happy. Despite the knowledge that we would never be accepted by the world as partners, we were together.

Sana's return made it all the sweeter. The five of us, together again. Fishing, exploring, hanging out. Somehow, though, Sana managed to forget Nanaka, and I don't know how he managed that when the two of them were always so close. Then again, their relationship had always been a bit different. They would get over it.

Being together again made me realize that we'd started to grow apart. Without Sana, we'd stopped paying quite as close attention to each other. Even when Nanaka was... Well, we'd tried to help, but Sana was the only one who could truly reach her, and we drew back a little.

I could tell Shuri was worried that with everyone being good friends again, someone might notice something about us, but with all the missteps Sana kept making around Nanaka, I was sure she had nothing to worry about.

That was just before someone turned our lives into a living hell. Some anonymous asshole gave the school a letter that said we'd gone to a love hotel together.

I all but froze. It was true. We _had_ gone to a love hotel. And it had been my idea. This was my fault. Listening to Shuri and Yuzuki-sensei arguing with the principal and vice-principal, all I could do was nod my agreements and clutch the bracelet around my wrist, a tangible sign of mine and Shuri's love for each other, the only comfort I dared claim in that moment.

I closed my eyes in relief when the principal said she believed us.

When she said she would be reporting everything to our parents, I knew I would be wearing a few bruises to bed that night.


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't wrong about the bruises. Our father usually didn't resort to physical punishments, but there were times when he just couldn't think of anything else, and his temper got the better of him. Sometimes it seemed like he believed that a few bruises helped the lesson sink in. Always, though, he had found it easier to target me.

And after Shuri's mess with the petition, it wouldn't have surprised me if he left more than just a couple bruises. As it was, what he said was bad enough. If Shuri hadn't stopped me from attacking him after the comments he made, I may well have had more than a few more. I'm just glad she didn't try to get in between us. If he'd hit her in front of me, just then, I don't think even Shuri could have stopped me from going for him.

We left father mid-rant, and escaped to our rooms. If I'd stayed and listened to his complaints about the political repercussions of everything, I might have snapped.

When we got to our rooms, Shuri just dropped to the floor next to her bed, and I realized she had to be in some kind of daze. After he'd started in on me, she must have just kicked in some defensive instincts, and reacted however was necessary to get us out of there as undamaged as possible. At least it meant she hadn't heard most of the poison he spewed.

There wasn't much I could do to comfort Shuri, except to be there for her. I couldn't think of any ways to fix this. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't think of a way to do it.

I wanted to sleep with my arms around Shuri that night, to ward off dreams and restlessness that wouldn't do either of us any good. She didn't let me. It was too risky.

It turned out to be a moment of wisdom on her part. Laying on my bed, staring at the wall about an hour after we went to bed, I could hear our father walking around. He wasn't truly looking for any suspicious behaviour, but I knew any wrongdoing would set off an eruption of anger, all the same. I knew he actually cared, somewhere down deep. It was why he checked on us like this, at night, on a fairly regular basis. He was making sure we were alright, especially after how he'd acted.

After listening to him finally walk away, I sighed, then closed my eyes and did my best to sleep. Going to school tomorrow wasn't going to be fun if I didn't get at least a few hours of sleep.

It turned out the day wasn't going to be fun anyway, no matter what. Somebody had come in early to class that day, and drawn a love umbrella on the chalkboard, and for a moment I could do nothing but stare.

Then Shuri broke and ran, and I snapped out of it. Nanaka chased after her, so I was free to find the culprit. Stalking to the front of the room, my vision streaked with red, I _demanded_ answers. Demanded to know who was responsible for the pain Shuri was going through, that I was going through.

They didn't know it was true. Not even our best friends knew. But someone claimed to have seen, and it had to be a student, to draw that. I wanted to get my hands on them and make them pay for our pain.

Sana was the one who calmed me down. He pushed me into the hallway and proceeded to tell me, in a calm, logical, and completely serious manner, that running and hiding from this would make it worse.

Right now, he said, nobody truly believed it, and I had to be thankful for that. Right now, for all the smirks and giggles, the other students didn't believe it. It was a rumor, an abstract possibility only partially believed, until and unless more support was found for it.

Running would give them that proof. It would tell them something had hit a nerve, and had some credence.

He sent me off to find Shuri and bring her back. I still wasn't thinking clearly on my own, but when I found Shuri on the roof, it didn't matter that I couldn't think anymore. I just had to make her feel better and get back to class.

Even for Shuri, I couldn't put myself in a good mood for the rest of that day. I was still angry, and glared at anyone who so much as looked at me. Even the teachers shied away from me, and by extension, Shuri.

I was glad Sana invited Shuri to go with him and Hoshino to see some old lady from the old folks home they volunteered at. It was one less thing I would need to worry about, and hopefully Shuri would be able to cheer up a bit, with something else to focus on for a while.

I, on the other hand, went home and waited. I could hear Father in the other room, pacing around, making phone calls.

When Shuri called to tell me about Kaji attacking her, my heart nearly stopped. When I saw the look on Father's face, I could tell he'd made some sort of decision on what he was going to do. I also knew, with complete certainty, that I would not like his decision.


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't ask my father what his plan was. I didn't want to know. I was worried, when Shuri ran past my room in tears, that on top of telling her what he was going to do, he might have hit her again.

In a way, I almost wish he had. It would have hurt less than what he was actually planning to do. He was going to send Shuri to London. A new school on the other side of the globe, where no one knew anything about the scandal we had found ourselves in. She was terrified. I wasn't much better off, my thoughts moving at a crawl until the idea finally occurred to me.

I wouldn't let Shuri be sent away alone. I wouldn't let father send he to a country where she would have no familiar faces or places. I couldn't convince father not to send her away. I could come up with a way out. For both of us.

Every child fantasizes, at some point or another, about running away from home. For adventure, rescue, safety, attention. I would take one of those dreams, and I would turn it into our reality.

If we went through with it, I knew we wouldn't be able to come home, or contact any of our friends, for a long time. Maybe years, maybe more.

We would be alone. But we would be safe, and together. And as long as I had Shuri with me, the loss of friends and home didn't matter as much.

I would do anything to stay with Shuri, because she needed me, just as much as I needed her. She showed a tough face to the world, but I was allowed to see her softer core. The part of her that hurt just then. She relied on me to protect her and help her when it just got too tough for her to handle, and I relied on her to keep the harsh outside world at bay.

So we promised each other forever.

The next day was a difficult day in some ways, and a relieving one in others. It was nice to see Sana, and Hoshino, even though the meeting had to happen in a hospital. I didn't think much of it when Hoshino asked Shuri to stay behind. We were friends. Sana's nervous behavior should have tipped me off to the fact that something was wrong.

When Shuri, my tough Shuri, ran out of the hospital in tears _again_ , I nearly went back in that hospital to finish the job the old lady started. It would be a very long time before I could begin to forgive Hoshino for what she'd done to us. But no matter what she had done, it didn't change our plans. Knowing it had been her just gave us someone to blame. It didn't fix anything, wouldn't change our father's mind.

So we tried to act normal. We went to school, ate lunch, hung out. If it weren't for Shuri kicking me every now and then, making sure I paid attention, I would have spent the whole day in a fog of worry.

As it was, I was pretty sure Sana knew something was up. He always did know when I was up to something. It took him just a few minutes too long to figure it out.

If he'd caught us at the station... We might have stayed.

There were a few moments, when I saw him racing the train on a borrowed bicycle, where I almost regretted my decision enough to go back. When he started yelling from the riverside, I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes, yet the feeling of regret vanished. Yes, I would miss him, and all the others. But he understood, and he would wait for us to come back again. We would always be best friends.

On our first rest stop, I took a chance, and took the time to send a gift back to Sana. My fishing rod. I knew he would make good use of it.

Shuri and I had each other. We would endure and survive whatever fate threw at us without letting it get between us. We were one soul split into two bodies, and we fit together perfectly. It was enough for me. I didn't let myself think of home, and our friends. I didn't let myself wish. On the occasions that Shuri and I fought, I could see that she let herself wish, once in a while.

Eventually, many years later, we did go home for a visit. We didn't tell Sana, or anyone else, that we were coming. We were happy with our lives. We weren't desperate for our friends and home, and the attention it would bring if we suddenly showed up again.

It was great to see Nanaka up on stage again with her violin, and I thought I saw the glint of a ring on her finger, as well. Sana always could be counted on to take care of her. He was just what she needed.

We caught glimpses of a hyperactive Aoi greeting Hoshino, who seemed to be quieter than before, calmer. I frowned anyway, unsure of just what it was I felt towards Hoshino. I shrugged off the emotions. It was good to see everyone doing well, regardless.

We left without saying hello to anyone. I knew we didn't really have a place there anymore. They would welcome us in, I knew, but... The decision we had made to leave had brought us to where we were. I would never regret the choices I made, despite what could have been.

Maybe, someday, we would choose to go back. I knew Sana and everyone else would be waiting.


End file.
